It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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