I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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