You're so nebulous sometimes
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
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our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I am mentally ready for anal.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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