so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
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Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
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It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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