Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
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He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
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We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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