She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize