he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
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I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
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Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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