So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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