yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I still have a little drunk in my system
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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