OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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