his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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