it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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