we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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