I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He has the fingertips of a God
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