I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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