Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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