so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
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She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
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I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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