i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
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I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
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I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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