Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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