I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize