just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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