I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
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No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
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I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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