I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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