how can u be prego again
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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