I hate your face
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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