hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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