I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It's Friday. Sex?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize