8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
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