Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize