does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize