what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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