would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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