3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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