my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
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We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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