: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize