end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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