Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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