I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
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