Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
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The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
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There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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