did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Panties = found
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