Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So squirting runs in the family.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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