She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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