please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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