My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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