thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
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We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
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Why can't burritos get me drunk
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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