I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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