i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
wow bdsm is so cute
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