i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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