I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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