I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
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He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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