My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just high enough for therapy.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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